Achievement Unlocked: Functioning Adult (Barely)

Ah, adulthood—the phase of life we once thought meant freedom, wisdom, and maybe even a little glamour. Fast forward to the present, and it’s mostly about remembering to take chicken out of the freezer, battling existential dread at 2 AM, and pretending to know what “deductibles” are.

Let’s be real: adulting is a scam. Nobody warned us that “running errands” would become a personality trait or that free time would be something we schedule six weeks in advance. The highlight of your week? A good pen, an efficient grocery run, or finding out your insurance actually covers something. Wild times.

But maybe the secret to this whole “being an adult” thing isn’t about getting everything right—it’s about embracing the chaos. You’ll never truly have it together, and that’s fine. If philosophers have taught us anything, it’s that questioning the meaning of life is way more interesting than actually having it figured out.

So, cheers to all of us out here just making it up as we go. If you managed to drink water, pay a bill on time, or successfully fake confidence in a meeting, congratulations—you’ve won at life today.